Inside traxx: Diary of DJ Sisyphus

Tongue Twisters or Dope Rhymes? Broadcasting school surprises

"Theophulus Thistle, I wheezed into the mic. "Theeee-oophh-ulus Thistle."

I thought hearing that Keisha's grandma was in the hospital would be the most surprising thing I heard all day. But hearing my 6'6 idol DJ Loco utter this ludicrous tongue-twister into the mic all morning and then expecting me to repeat it? That was definitely a close second. Who knew broadcasting schools could be so well, loco? "Don't quit your DJ job dude..." I muttered under my breath.

Unfortunately, in addition to a tongue like a tub of butter, DJ Loco also had the ears of an elephant. "What'd you say?" he demanded. "C'mon Simon, I thought being a DJ was your dream. What's with the attitude?"

I shifted back in my chair. "Sorry," I muttered. "I just thought broadcasting schools were supposed to teach you real skills. Like-I thought nursery rhymes were for nursery schools, you know?"

"Well maybe nursery school's where you belong because you are acting like a freakin' five-year-old right now," DJ Loco shot back. I winced. While I had so savored his witty one-liners on his radio show, it wasn't as fun being the brunt of them. "Simon, broadcasting schools are about teaching you real skills, but skills starts with perfect pitch, breathing and articulation. Don't you wanna sound smooth on the air?"

I didn't have the heart to tell him these were hardly the kind of rhymes I had in mind when I first pictured what broadcasting schools would be like. After all, he was still the coolest DJ I had ever known. "Yeah," I replied, sighing. "I do."

"You want the kind of voice that will make the ladies go crazy, right?" DJ Loco replied. "Now let's get back to work. Repeat after me, Theophulus…"

As I dutifully went on, I pondered his words. Did I want a voice that made the ladies go crazy? Or did I have my share of crazy chicks already? After I tried to cut Keisha off yesterday, her bombshell about her grandmother stopped me in my tracks. All thoughts of broadcasting schools, dreadlocks and dating just flew out of my head. Apparently her grandmother was really sick. The guy she had been kissing-I call him Doctor Dreadlocks-had been over to deliver the news about her Grandma's illness. Keisha started crying at the news, and then that snake dove in and kissed her. That's when I showed up on the scene.

Much as I feel sorry for Keisha, I'm a little suspicious of her story. She asked me to pick her up from the airport on Sunday and I still haven't decided if I will or not.

"Okay Simon," said DJ Loco, rising from his chair. "I think that's enough for today. Let's try and be a little more focused next week, okay? Get some sleep man."

"Yeah, thanks," I mumbled as I walked out the door. Maybe broadcasting schools were more like real schools than I thought. Or maybe I just had too much on my mind.

Just as I was wondering if broadcasting schools were even my gig, something happened to convince me that they were. As I walked out of the reception area, I heard a voice call my name. It was Lucy, the cute blond receptionist I had noticed in my interview. "You dropped your keys," she said, smiling. As I looked into her Heineken-green eyes, I only had one thought:

Keisha who?

Twisted and Conflicted,
DJ Sisyphus